Welcome to part 4 of Monkees at the Movies! This is our latest and greatest feature here at the NP Tumblr, to see what would happen if each Monkee visited an adult movie theater (see introduction post above for an explanation of what that is). So, without further ado…
Part 4 - Peter Tork
Move out of the way, people: Amateur hour is officially over. Well, unless you’re talking about amateur porn filmed in Peter Tork’s house, which (according to our sources) actually did happen at some point in the ’60s. Yes, it was stag film a-go-go time at ol’ PT’s place, which no doubt goes a long way to explaining the private film room he had with a giant screen covering one wall.
We’ve talked about how each of the other Monkees would react to seeing a porno in an adult movie theatre, but Peter is the one who probably would’ve financed it. No unknown actresses or actors there, for sure; no, Peter would probably sit there, one arm slung around his date’s shoulder (creeping closer to her breasts with every passing second), and refer to the film stars as if they were friends of his. Which they probably were:
"Oh, yeah, there’s Larry Goldenfeather.Hey, it’s Anna Freelove! She was at the house last week. Man, she’s got great tits. I’d really like to grab one and—oh, wow, I forgot Bobby Swallows was in this one! Glad he finally shaved that mustache, boy.”
Of course, there’s the likelihood that Peter wouldn’t do very much talking at all because his mouth would be otherwise occupied. Making out, groping, fondling, and who knows what else would all be fair game for Peter. Not one to be shy about sex in public places, Peter would be the most likely Monkee to get it on right there in the theater. And if he got caught, he’d probably invite whoever found them to join in.
Sex in the movie theater bathroom could be another possibility for Peter. Holes in the bathroom stalls would fill him with joy, and he’d in turn fill them with all of his, well…glory. As for the striptease girls, they would also probably be friends of Peter’s, and he’d tip them generously after getting a very special lap dance. More likely than not, he’d end up back at home with his date, the striptease girls, and at least one random moviegoer who was looking for a party.
So, that is our assessment of Peter Tork at an adult movie theater. An old pro unfazed by the salacious sights, and always ready to partake in those long, lust-filled nights. Thus, on our Risqué Reubens Rating Scale, we give Peter…
4 out of 4 Pee-Wees
Well, that does it for Monkees at the Movies, our latest feature here on the NP Tumblr. We hope you all enjoyed it quite thoroughly, and please let us know your thoughts on it so we can brainstorm more unique and exclusive features for the NP Tumblr in the future.
Thanks for joining us, folks!
The Monkees in Australia and Japan, 1968.
(Pics via Al Bigley/Big Glee Archives.)
Monkees caricature drawing, from the Nov-Dec. 2010 issue of Shindig!magazine. (Pic via the Monkees Live Almanac.)
We just needed to add this to our post from yesterday in which we described which Monkee would be most likely to orally please his lady. This goes under Peter’s answer and is quite possibly the most accurate statement regarding Peter and oral sex ever:
"When it comes to oral sex, Peter Tork is like the Great Glass Elevator in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: He doesn’t just go up and down—he goes back and forth, sideways, longways, slantways, and every other ways.”
…That is all. We now returning to your regularly scheduled Naked Persimmon posts.