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I'm not sure if anyone asked this before but what do you think might be each Monkees biggest kink in the bedroom? pippielongstocking

Yes indeed, this question has been asked several times before (it seems to be a favorite among Monkees fans, including you, as we found a previous question asked by you in our #kinky is as kinky does tag!). So we’ll repost our answers here:

Davy: Davy would probably be the least likely to have a kinky fetish. For him, “kinky” is a one-time event of having sex somewhere that isn’t the bedroom—like in a car while driving (would that we were making this up: Jessica actually mentions it during their Newlywed Game appearance). An event such as this allows him the room to show off his sexual prowess, which we think he would want to do, to bolster his confidence as a lover. But it’s likely that Davy’s somewhat reserved nature would leave him a bit too uptight anything deeply kinky. 

Micky: Roleplaying is somehow always the first thing that comes to mind when we think of Micky. Perhaps it’s his background as an actor, but we can see Micky as really loving anything in the bedroom with outfits or costumes. The kinky twist might be that, instead of the traditional roles, Micky would want to be in the “feminine” role—not necessarily dressing up like a girl, but being vulnerable, being open to being tied up and left at her mercy, and having her be the one to seduce him, instead of vice-versa. We think that would satisfy some craving to be dominated that he has in his psyche, but still allow him to maintain some degree of control.

Peter: It’s almost impossible to say what Peter’s kinky fetish is, because we think it changes by the week. What gets him hot and boiling one day might be something completely different to what does it the next. Hot wax, handcuffs, spanking, voyeurism, public sex—it’s very likely that all of these have been kinks of his at one time or another, and that he has fulfilled them. Peter we think would be willing to explore kink most deeply—see, for example, a fic on our site called A Night at the Nutcracker, which, while a show-based fic, depicts Peter as the instigator for bringing the guys to a kinky sex club. We think Peter is probably the Monkee most likely to “try anything once”—twice, if he really likes it—and so his kinky fetish would simply be the exploration of multiple fetishes and seeing how many he could get his partner to try.

Mike: Mike and kinky have an unusual relationship. Of all the Monkees, Mike is probably the one to keep his fetishes and fantasies firmly locked inside his head. Life itself is the kinky fetish for Mike—watching the way a situation or encounter plays itself out. Mike would be most likely to enact his seduction mentally, so the kinky part would be to involve someone without them actually knowing it. He’d play mind games and then observe the effects of them on the other person, both physically and psychologically, and this would be the source of his enjoyment. In all likelihood, however, Mike would probably be more comfortable fulfilling someone else’s kinky fetishes than acting out his own.

…So there you have it, folks! And for those who may not know, we have gone ahead and compiled all of the Monkeesexual questions that we’ve been asked over the years into not one…not two…but THREE compilation posts, so you can read over all the deliciously dirty queries that have come (pun somewhat intended) our way and our answers to them. Links to all three compilation posts can be found right on our Tumblr page, HERE. Enjoy!

i remember people talking about this /turbo/ incident with davy and his last wife. do you know what its about? im just geniunly curious petertorkthedork


Oh, child…come sit beside us here and listen to the story which we now must tell.

Once upon a time, in the far-off land of Kirshner, there lived a man named David Jones. David Jones had a bride named Jessica, who was not altogether un-lovely as brides went, provided she finished teething a few months after they married.

So one day, while the happy couple was busy enjoying nuptial bliss in the form of Davy playing one of his records in the faint hope that Jessica would actually know any of the songs, the young bride had a great epiphany (SAT word!):

"Oh, David! Let’s go on a not-horribly cheesy and exploitative television program that’s the last stop for D-list celebrities: The Newlywed Game!”

Davy, being hapless and hopelessly in love with having a hot young wife Jessica, agreed.

And so off they went to the magical world of Hollywood, to appear with two other couples on that TV show for those who had wed newly.

Thus, over the course of the unstoppable train wreck known as the episode on which Davy and Jessica appeared, one of the many painfully embarrassing questions asked was for one half of each couple to describe their spankin’-new spouse’s lovemaking style (which may or may not involve spanking). 

And it was at this exact moment that Jessica loudly and proudly spoke of a certain “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” sexual maneuver of Davy’s called—you guessed it—The Turbo. (Davy’s reaction to this can be seen in the gif above.)

As per Jessica’s description, and without inducing entirely too much cringing, “The Turbo” referred to a rapid, rabbit-like thrusting pattern of Davy’s that apparently stood…well, knelt….or maybe laid on its back…at the forefront of their May-Decemberrific sexual escapades.

And so, this infamous moment with Davy and Jessica on the game of those wed newly spread throughout the fandom, and thus became frozen in time and preserved for all to avoid see forever.

Or at least until the video was removed from Youtube.


Who was the most sexual Monkee? Anonymous


Good question! It’s safe to say all the Monkees were big fans of the ladies, but two in particular seem to have quite the reputation.

As you may (or may not!) be aware, Peter used to host orgies and throw ‘naked parties’ which suggests that he was an extremely sexual being. In an interview from the early ’00s he states that he has slept with about 150 women (and had a sexual encounter with a man, too) - but that he had no ‘anonymous partners’.

After some discussion, we think that it is Micky who was the most sexual - he was very open about being girl mad and having a weakness for the opposite sex.

"Yes I admit I was girl-crazy. I still am. I have been all my life. I just love loving women. And being in my position gave me a license to steal. I was like a kid in a carnal store. I’d like to think that I wasn’t too sexually aggressive. However, I did make the most of my celebrity."

Even his dressing room was designed for getting down n’ dirty; shag carpet covering the floors and walls, pillows and a candle - and that was it. He dated many of the extras on the show and was even caught with his pants down getting jiggy with a fan behind his drum kit on the set of the show!

There was also a report that his second marriage was in fact an open marriage so that he could still be “the most eligible bachelor in town”.

(Thanks to Al Bigley for the scan!)

So there you have it, the DMF verdict is that Micky Dolenz was the most sexual Monkee!

Reblogging to say that we at NP also agree that Micky was the most sexual Monkee, as shown in the results of our Monkee Man-Whore Index post series. Granted, the scope of our “investigation” was limited to the Monkees’ sexual proclivities and dalliances in the ’60s, but if we went beyond that to the present day, Micky certainly would still own the title (by a long shot). Oh, Micky…

Which Monkee do you think would be loudest in bed? I know you said that Micky would be constantly giving commentary, but in terms of having orgasms and such, are they loud or quiet, and if they are loud, do they try to muffle themselves? kawaiinekonekocanchan

Hi there! We’ve actually answered this question multiple times before. Remember that you can always check our #monkeesexual post tag to see which questions have already been asked and answered. You can see our answers here, and we’ll repost them below:

Davy: We can possibly see Davy letting out a loud “Yippee!” like in Too Many Girls (Fern & Davy). Or, well, since that groupie tale from The Real Live Brady Bunch that we posted: “Here we cum…”

Micky: Micky would be groaning more and more and louder and louder the closer he got to climax…sort of like climbing up a rollercoaster. At the actual moment, he’d be all “yes, yes, Yes, YES, YES!!” just crescendoing into a loud finale.

Peter: With Peter, we think it’d really vary from encounter to encounter. In one, it could be a sharp, abrupt, half-choked groan. In another, it could be a long, drawn-out panting moan. And in another, it could flat-out be a scream of ecstasy. So it could really go any number of ways with ol’ PT.

Mike: Mike would certainly be the quietest of the bunch. We’d guess that he finishes with a loud grunt and a lot of heavy breathing. Of course, there is also the possibility that he might revert to one of his Texan-isms, such as a slightly incoherent “Holymotheragod!” or somesuch.

News so good I had to share! There's a new article on Slate about how fantastic sex can be over 70. Something to look forward to when I'm older, besides sitting on the front porch in the rocking chair with the shotgun. And to fan the flames of our already-overactive imaginations that our favorite sexy septuagenarians are probably doing just fine... (the link is on my tumblr if you want it) nineironrules


Well, ya know…whatever tickles your pickle, as the saying goes. And apparently the Monkees are having their pickles tickled just fine, so…good to know. Good to know. Haha. (For those who are curious, you can read the above mentioned article HERE.)

So....if you type in 'penis analyser' on google and click on the first link you can analyse anyone (or multiple people for comparison)'s penis by typing in their name. It just makes me think of you guys (in a good way). I think if you type the Monkees' names in, you guys would have some pretty funny comments about it that I'd love to see. Just a suggestion ^__^ PS your blog is great. shotguntork-deactivated20140915

Oh, lord above. Haha. Well, let’s see what we’ve got here. Apparently this is the penis analyzer website, for those who are curious. So, how’s about we punch in Peter’s name first…


Okay, hmm…the length seems to be a bit on the low side here, especially for the estimates we gave in our Monkees Dick Dimensions post a while back. But…”The Unregulated Child” is actually a fairly appropriate term for Peter’s peter, as we have previously likened it to a “naughty little scamp” that constantly gets Peter in trouble. 

Now, onto Davy’s results…


All right, calling it here and now: “Shy submachine” is totally a euphemism for uncircumcised, which Davy most likely was, what with the being-from-Europe and all. Also, the length here is…kind of adorably generous, since the reports we’ve heard tend to relegate Davy’s dong to “fun-sized” status. Ah, well.

Onward to Mr. Michael “Nine Iron” Nesmith…


Hold the presses and stop the phone…The Fierce Nihilstic Joystick. That officially wins every award ever because WHAT IN THE ACTUAL TAP-DANCING FUCK. Also, length seems a bit…inaccurate, especially going by every photograph of Mike wearing tight pants in the ’60s. But, points for good girth (diameter). NP approves. 

Aaaand last, but certainly not least, the Dolenzovitch…


Well, length looks passable, yes…”The Shy Cheeky Stinger,” also lolzy and delightfully appropriate for Micky. Girth is—waaaaiiiit a minute…does that say…?







casually sitting here sweating over the song ‘Words’ by the Monkees. I have no idea what it is but that song is so hot.

Confession time: "Words" is hot because the way Micky and Peter sing on it is probably what it would sound like if you had a threesome with them.

Part 2 of 2: So which is sexier to imagine: Nez's strong, skilled hands slowly but firmly kneading and stroking every inch of your body with warm oil...or him lying there relaxing as you do the same to him, the oil imparting a luscious sheen to his pale skin as he surrenders into a state of bliss? Can't lose either way... ;-) nineironrules

[For those interested, here is part 1 of this query: “A while back, you posted an article, “A Video Visionary Leaps Into The Future” from BAM, 1981. It’s an interview with Nez from when he was first getting into making videos, and in part 2 he mentions an early video about “the art of sensual massage.” Some digging around on Amazon yielded a book & DVD with that title (ISBN: 0983402167). Can’t prove this is the one he was talking about, but the original production date would be about the right time. (continued…)”]

Oohh, lawdy…what a question. We do believe we have the vapors…

Well, part of what makes Nez…well, Nez…is that he seems to be a fan of being in control. Him receiving a massage would probably be counter-intuitive to that, but him giving a massage could certainly be the order of the day. He would have a fascination with seeing how the woman’s body responds to his touch…the areas of her body that shudder just slightly more than others, where the skin winks and beckons for more. He’d listen for her sharp intakes of breath and the soft sounds she makes as his hands move softly, hard, faster, slower. A massage from Nez would be about stimulating both a woman’s body and her mind, and his arousal would stem from watching her come undone and arrive at the height of her pleasure, all through the will of his careful ministrations.

Of course, it would be no less a party if the situation were reversed. If Nez were naked and willing, and gasped as the woman began to rub her palms along his shoulder blades, the sensation so powerful that it leaves the hairs on his fuzzy arms standing on end. If she moved lower, down across the lean muscles of Nez’s back, all the way to his rounded buttocks, kneading gently, then giving one cheek a light smack and stifling a laugh as he yelps in surprise. The massage would likely greatly relax him, but it would not be easy to make Nez lose control. Still…she would have a hell of a lot of fun trying.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we do need a moment alone…

First of all, how AMAZING is your blog?! Second, I have a monkee sexual question to ask. Which monkees would make the most noise during sex? Who would be the screamer, never shutting up? Who would be the quiet one? Could you analyse each monkee please? monkeejunkie

Hi there! Well thank you so much for the kind words. We appreciate it! :D In regard to your question, we’ve actually been asked that before, on several occasions. Remember that you can always check our #monkeesexual post tag or our Monkeesexual Compilation Posts to see which questions we’ve been asked previously. However, we will go ahead and repost our answers here for you now:

Davy: Mostly monosyllabic. Lots of grunting, maybe some panting. We don’t see Davy being particularly loud, but not totally silent, either. We can, however, possibly see him letting out a “Yippee!” like in Too Many Girls (Fern & Davy)…or, well, since that one anecdote that we posted…”Here we cum…”

Micky: Nonstop jabbering interspersed with primitive grunting. We think Micky literally would not be able to shut up, and would broadcast an ongoing stream of dirty talk. Though if his partner wanted him to be quiet, he might actually oblige her request and not say a word the entire time. His groans, however, would most likely escalate in frequency and volume the closer he got to climax, and then he’d get loud as all hell. 

Peter: Peter would be the moaniest of the bunch, by far. We feel his noises would be all over the map, however, too…loud groans followed by dirty little whispers, moans rising into guttural screams, and everything in between. So he definitely wouldn’t stick to any one noise all the time—you’d just get a big ol’ grab bag o’ nookie noises.

Mike: We think Mike would be the quietest Monkee in bed—quiet to the point of wondering whether he’s actually enjoying himself. But if spurred on properly, we can see Mike making a few grunting noises of varying levels of enthusiasm. When Mike has an orgasm, of course, there is the possibility that he might revert to one of his Texan-isms, such as a half-choked “Holymotheragod!” or somesuch.

Addendum to yesterday’s Sexual Sunday Snippet post:

We just needed to add this to our post from yesterday in which we described which Monkee would be most likely to orally please his lady. This goes under Peter’s answer and is quite possibly the most accurate statement regarding Peter and oral sex ever:

"When it comes to oral sex, Peter Tork is like the Great Glass Elevator in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: He doesn’t just go up and down—he goes back and forth, sideways, longways, slantways, and every other ways.”

…That is all. We now returning to your regularly scheduled Naked Persimmon posts.

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