Okay…well, thank you for letting us know. Haha. We have been asked in the past about the ages at which each Monkee lost his virginity, and there was some confusion about Davy, so this helps clear that up. Haha. Okay, then. Good…
Our answer to “Which of The Monkees do you think would use ‘dirty talk’ in bed, and what do you think they would say?”, now in rebloggable format.
Hey there! We’ve actually answered this question a few times previously. We’ll go ahead and repost our answer here for you (to see the previous post, click here).
Davy: Davy would probably be the least likely to have a kinky fetish. For him, “kinky” is a one-time event of having sex somewhere that isn’t the bedroom—like in a car while driving (would that we were making this up: His wife Jessica actually mentioned it during their Newlywed Game appearance a while back). An event such as this allows him the room to show off his sexual prowess, which we think he would want to do, to bolster his confidence as a lover. But it’s likely that Davy’s somewhat reserved nature would leave him a bit too uptight anything deeply kinky.
Micky: Roleplaying is somehow always the first thing that comes to mind when we think of Micky. Perhaps it’s his background as an actor, but we can see Micky as really loving anything in the bedroom with outfits or costumes. The kinky twist might be that, instead of the traditional roles, Micky would want to be in the “feminine” role—not necessarily dressing up like a girl, but being vulnerable, being open to being tied up and left at her mercy, and having her be the one to seduce him, instead of vice-versa. We think that would satisfy some craving to be dominated that he has in his psyche, but still allow him to maintain some degree of control.
Peter: It’s almost impossible to say what Peter’s kinky fetish is, because we think it changes by the week. What gets him hot and boiling one day might be something completely different to what does it the next. Hot wax, handcuffs, spanking, voyeurism, public sex—it’s very likely that all of these have been kinks of his at one time or another, and that he has fulfilled them. Peter we think would be willing to explore kink most deeply—see, for example, a fic on our site called A Night at the Nutcracker, which, while a show-based fic, depicts Peter as the instigator for bringing the guys to a kinky sex club. We think Peter is probably the Monkee most likely to “try anything once”—twice, if he really likes it—and so his kinky fetish would simply be the exploration of multiple fetishes and seeing how many he could get his partner to try.
Mike: Mike and kinky have an unusual relationship. Of all the Monkees, Mike is probably the one to keep his fetishes and fantasies firmly locked inside his head. Life itself is the kinky fetish for Mike—watching the way a situation or encounter plays itself out. Mike would be most likely to enact his seduction mentally, so the kinky part would be to involve someone without them actually knowing it. He’d play mind games and then observe the effects of them on the other person, both physically and psychologically, and this would be the source of his enjoyment. In all likelihood, however, Mike would probably be more comfortable fulfilling someone else’s kinky fetishes than acting out his own.
Haha. We’d definitely agree! Well, someone once asked us for our analysis of Monkee Lovemaking Styles, and this is what we had to say for Peter:
Peter: Peter would be the most unpredictable in bed, of the four Monkees. Every lovemaking session would be a surprise. He would play mind games with his partner first, making them want him—fucking them mentally before doing so physically. He’s adventurous, very enthusiastic about sex and trying new positions, new techniques. As long as the end result produces pleasure, he will want to do it. Most of all, Peter gets off on knowing that his partner is getting off on him—it satisfies his ego and stokes the fire further. We think Peter would be generous—techniques such as 69ing would be a favorite of his because of the mutual pleasure ensured for both parties. Peter would be the one most likely to make love under a waterfall, or on a rooftop. We think he’d definitely know what it is he wants and would go for it, and you just better hang on for the ride.
And from our analysis of Monkee Kissing Styles:
Peter = The Thorough Kisser. Looking for a lot of tongue? Looking for a lot of everything? Then Peter is your man. He never goes halfway—his kisses would start at your lips and wouldn’t stop until he’s gone over your entire body. He would draw the kiss out for as long as possible, kissing you until your lips are swollen and you’re out of breath. And he’d be doing other things during the kiss too: Fingers threading through hair, torso pressed up tight, his breath hot on your cheek…there’d be no shortage of sensory stimulation with Peter.
Oh….boy. Well, we understand what it is you’re looking for here, but on this point, we feel compelled to forego the sugar-coating and instead bring the truth. Now, don’t get us wrong: We could most certainly say that, at some point within the last ten years, a roll in the hay with the Torkmeister would surely have been a grand old time. From what we’ve heard, he had/has the equipment and knows how to use it, and you would definitely have left a sore-yet-satisfied customer.
Today, however…well. We are talking about a 71-year-old man. Granted, he is Peter Tork…but he is still 71 years old. So the odds are highly likely that he might not even be able to get it up (at least not without the intervention of a magic blue pill). If he is able to, we imagine the course of events would unfold as such:
Girl: *climbs on board*
Peter: Okay…lemme just…*grips waist* All right. WAIT, wait…I need to put a pillow under my back…*places pillow*. Okay, dear. Go ahead.
Girl: *commences bouncing*
Peter: Ooohh….that feels so good…mmhh, yeah… *groan*
*a minute later*
*CRACK!*
Peter: ………..Oh, shit.
—
So…yeah. We do apologize sincerely for any disappointment that this may cause, but…Peter’s just a bit more fragile these days than he used to be, so…you might not be in for quite the Mr. Tork’s Wilde Ride that you would have had in times’ past.
Monkeesexual Mental Image of the Night: 1960s Peter in mid-coitus. Picture it: Long, sandy brown hair hanging over Peter’s eyes, sticking to his sweat-damp forehead; eyes squeezed shut; toned biceps flexing with the effort of his motions; love beads slapping against his lightly hairy chest; deep, sonorous moans pouring from his lips with every thrust.
So Why This Mental Image? Sweet and innocent though his visage may appear, we know Peter was a great fan of the sexin’, and we’d love nothing more than to behold those freckled shoulders bathed in candlelight while the scent of incense wafts heavily in the air. Yep, no matter how you slice it (top, bottom, het, slash), there’s just something about the thought of Peter in flagrante delicto that is incredibly appealing.
Got something to add to this Monkeesexual Mental Image of the Night? Feel free to do so in a comment on this post. :)
Reblogging for theorgyorganizer, whom we think might appreciate this…
Hello, folks! A while back, someone asked us what a dressing room sexual encounter with each of the Monkees would be like in the ’60s. So we pondered and contemplated and deliberated, and finally came up with the following answers, along with our rating of each Monkee on the “Wham, Bam, Thank you ma’am” scale. Read on to find out more!
Davy: Always one for the classics, Davy would woo and charm his intended target into the dressing room with his witty repartee and gleaming white smile. Once that door closes, though, bear witness as the real Davy Jones comes out. A clap of the hands dims the lights and turns on a record player with romantic music floating out from the speakers. Cue the disco ball lowering from a hidden compartment in the ceiling, and sexy time are a-GO for launch. Depending on how rushed Davy is to get back to the set, the encounter could be slow and gentle or fast and furious, and with the constraints of the dressing room furniture, he’d probably stick with your standard missionary position.
Davy’s Dressing Room Encounter on the ‘Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am’ Scale: Whammy, with a little bit of bam.
Micky: Micky’s dressing room was built for sexual encounters, what with the wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling shag carpeting (seriously) and permanently lit candles. Micky would be the ‘act fast’ guy…one minute, he’s flirting with you on set, and the next, you’re eagerly following him to his dressing room and before you know it, you’re on your back on the carpet, upside down, and halfway to happyland. Micky would want more than one round, so expect perhaps a toke of gentle grass between exertions—to enhance the “mellow” of the room—before his horniness gets the better of him and it’s back to business. Micky would also be the one most likely to favor blowjobs, and so might go for those over prolonged intercourse, as a blowjob is more likely to bring him instant gratification.
Micky’s Dressing Room Encounter on the ‘Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am’ Scale: Double whammy, lots of bammy, and a little thank you ma’amy at the end.
Peter: The shy guy. Once Peter manages to get a girl back to his dressing room, he’s never completely sure what to do with her. Yes, our sweet Peter is not your typical “lothario,” certainly…instead of wrapping his arms around her, he’d wrap them around his guitar, or play a few tunes on his keyboard. What Peter might not realize, though, is that watching him play would serve to turn her on even more. So he wouldn’t go straight to sex, but after making conversation and enjoying each other’s company, it would gradually head in that direction. Given that Peter’s dressing room was always cluttered with instruments, he’d probably just have a small bed for sexin’, but he’d definitely make the most of the space he has. Missionary, doggy style, her on top…if it can happen, Peter will find a way. He’d also probably delight in going down on his partner, just to see if he can make her scream loud enough to be heard on set. Oh, Peter.
Peter’s Dressing Room Encounter, on the ‘Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am’ Scale: Not-so-whammy, pretty darn bammy, and lots of thank you ma’am-y between post-coital kisses.
Mike: Dark. Secretive. Bubble lights. All these adjectives describe both Mike and his dressing room, and what an encounter with him in it might be like. With a need for discretion unlike the other three (being married will require that), Mike would not make a show of bringing a girl back to his room. He’d stare her down lustfully, making his intentions known with a crooked finger and nary a word. Once that door closes…oh, prunella. Hold on to your hats, it’s gonna be a wild ride. Mike would make the most of the little time he had, putting intention and intensity behind every move, no matter how subtle. He might only be in the mood for finger play, for instance, but he’d make sure it was memorable for both of them. And he’d mark his territory, probably in the form of a hickey or a small, deliberately-placed bruise in a location where only he’d know about it. A mental fuck as well as a physical one: That’s what would be in store for you with Mike.
Mike’s Dressing Room Encounter on the ‘Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am’ Scale: No whammy, TONS of strategically-delivered bammy, and a Southern gentlemanly “thank you, ma’am”-y.
Hi Anon. We’ve answered this question several times previously. You can see our answers here, and we’ll repost them below:
Davy: Mostly monosyllabic. Lots of grunting, maybe some panting. We don’t see Davy being particularly loud, but not totally silent, either. We can, however, possibly see him letting out a “Yippee!” like in Too Many Girls (Fern & Davy)…or, well, since that one anecdote that we posted…”Here we cum…”
Micky: Nonstop jabbering interspersed with primitive grunting. We think Micky literally would not be able to shut up, and would broadcast an ongoing stream of dirty talk. His groans would most likely escalate in frequency and volume the closer he got to climax, and then he’d get loud as all hell.
Peter: Peter would be the moaniest of the bunch, by far. We feel his noises would be all over the map, however, too…loud groans followed by dirty little whispers, moans rising into guttural screams, and everything in between. So he definitely wouldn’t stick to any one noise all the time…you’d just get a big ol’ grab bag o’ nookie noises.
Mike: We think Mike would be the quietest one, for sure…quiet to the point of wondering whether he’s actually enjoying himself. But if spurred on properly, we can see Mike making some grunting noises of varying levels of enthusiasm. When achieving orgasm, of course, there is the possibility that Mike might revert to one of his Texan-isms, such as a half-choked “Holymotheragod!” or somesuch.
Davy: Mary and Sondra
Micky: Forward and Aft
Peter: Yin and Yang
Mike: Norman and Rockwell.
Since this has been a topic that’s been floating around today, we thought we’d just share a post of ours from a while back. This was originally a response to an “Ask NP” question, where someone wanted to know what the title and plot of a Monkees porno spoof would be. The movie title we came up with was Hey Hey We’re The Thrustees, and being that we’re Naked Persimmon, we decided to make it a gay porno.
With that in mind…the plot line that we devised follows below (note that it is under a Read More, due to explicit sexual content and adult language. Read at your own discretion):
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