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Well, ya know…whatever tickles your pickle, as the saying goes. And apparently the Monkees are having their pickles tickled just fine, so…good to know. Good to know. Haha. (For those who are curious, you can read the above mentioned article HERE.)
Oh, lord above. Haha. Well, let’s see what we’ve got here. Apparently this is the penis analyzer website, for those who are curious. So, how’s about we punch in Peter’s name first…
Okay, hmm…the length seems to be a bit on the low side here, especially for the estimates we gave in our Monkees Dick Dimensions post a while back. But…”The Unregulated Child” is actually a fairly appropriate term for Peter’s peter, as we have previously likened it to a “naughty little scamp” that constantly gets Peter in trouble.
Now, onto Davy’s results…
All right, calling it here and now: “Shy submachine” is totally a euphemism for uncircumcised, which Davy most likely was, what with the being-from-Europe and all. Also, the length here is…kind of adorably generous, since the reports we’ve heard tend to relegate Davy’s dong to “fun-sized” status. Ah, well.
Onward to Mr. Michael “Nine Iron” Nesmith…
Hold the presses and stop the phone…The Fierce Nihilstic Joystick. That officially wins every award ever because WHAT IN THE ACTUAL TAP-DANCING FUCK. Also, length seems a bit…inaccurate, especially going by every photograph of Mike wearing tight pants in the ’60s. But, points for good girth (diameter). NP approves.
Aaaand last, but certainly not least, the Dolenzovitch…
Well, length looks passable, yes…”The Shy Cheeky Stinger,” also lolzy and delightfully appropriate for Micky. Girth is—waaaaiiiit a minute…does that say…?
…WELP, THAT’S IT. NAKED PERSIMMON IS OVER. EVERYONE CAN GO HOME NOW.
casually sitting here sweating over the song ‘Words’ by the Monkees. I have no idea what it is but that song is so hot.
Confession time: "Words" is hot because the way Micky and Peter sing on it is probably what it would sound like if you had a threesome with them.
[For those interested, here is part 1 of this query: “A while back, you posted an article, “A Video Visionary Leaps Into The Future” from BAM, 1981. It’s an interview with Nez from when he was first getting into making videos, and in part 2 he mentions an early video about “the art of sensual massage.” Some digging around on Amazon yielded a book & DVD with that title (ISBN: 0983402167). Can’t prove this is the one he was talking about, but the original production date would be about the right time. (continued…)”]
Oohh, lawdy…what a question. We do believe we have the vapors…
Well, part of what makes Nez…well, Nez…is that he seems to be a fan of being in control. Him receiving a massage would probably be counter-intuitive to that, but him giving a massage could certainly be the order of the day. He would have a fascination with seeing how the woman’s body responds to his touch…the areas of her body that shudder just slightly more than others, where the skin winks and beckons for more. He’d listen for her sharp intakes of breath and the soft sounds she makes as his hands move softly, hard, faster, slower. A massage from Nez would be about stimulating both a woman’s body and her mind, and his arousal would stem from watching her come undone and arrive at the height of her pleasure, all through the will of his careful ministrations.
Of course, it would be no less a party if the situation were reversed. If Nez were naked and willing, and gasped as the woman began to rub her palms along his shoulder blades, the sensation so powerful that it leaves the hairs on his fuzzy arms standing on end. If she moved lower, down across the lean muscles of Nez’s back, all the way to his rounded buttocks, kneading gently, then giving one cheek a light smack and stifling a laugh as he yelps in surprise. The massage would likely greatly relax him, but it would not be easy to make Nez lose control. Still…she would have a hell of a lot of fun trying.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we do need a moment alone…
Hi there! Well thank you so much for the kind words. We appreciate it! :D In regard to your question, we’ve actually been asked that before, on several occasions. Remember that you can always check our #monkeesexual post tag or our Monkeesexual Compilation Posts to see which questions we’ve been asked previously. However, we will go ahead and repost our answers here for you now:
Davy: Mostly monosyllabic. Lots of grunting, maybe some panting. We don’t see Davy being particularly loud, but not totally silent, either. We can, however, possibly see him letting out a “Yippee!” like in Too Many Girls (Fern & Davy)…or, well, since that one anecdote that we posted…”Here we cum…”
Micky: Nonstop jabbering interspersed with primitive grunting. We think Micky literally would not be able to shut up, and would broadcast an ongoing stream of dirty talk. Though if his partner wanted him to be quiet, he might actually oblige her request and not say a word the entire time. His groans, however, would most likely escalate in frequency and volume the closer he got to climax, and then he’d get loud as all hell.
Peter: Peter would be the moaniest of the bunch, by far. We feel his noises would be all over the map, however, too…loud groans followed by dirty little whispers, moans rising into guttural screams, and everything in between. So he definitely wouldn’t stick to any one noise all the time—you’d just get a big ol’ grab bag o’ nookie noises.
Mike: We think Mike would be the quietest Monkee in bed—quiet to the point of wondering whether he’s actually enjoying himself. But if spurred on properly, we can see Mike making a few grunting noises of varying levels of enthusiasm. When Mike has an orgasm, of course, there is the possibility that he might revert to one of his Texan-isms, such as a half-choked “Holymotheragod!” or somesuch.
We just needed to add this to our post from yesterday in which we described which Monkee would be most likely to orally please his lady. This goes under Peter’s answer and is quite possibly the most accurate statement regarding Peter and oral sex ever:
"When it comes to oral sex, Peter Tork is like the Great Glass Elevator in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: He doesn’t just go up and down—he goes back and forth, sideways, longways, slantways, and every other ways.”
…That is all. We now returning to your regularly scheduled Naked Persimmon posts.
Sometime in the not-too-distant past, we had an Ask NP question sent in to us that said, “Which Monkee do you think would be most likely to orally please his lady? Im curious.." And this was our answer…
(WARNING: Contains explicit sexual content. Read at your own discretion!)
Davy: Going by the claims of certain people who enjoy randomly posting online about 1970s sexual encounters with Davy, Davy seems to have been fairly skilled in terms of oral pleasure. Now, granted, he might’ve been highly likely to do it in order to make up for, well…other “shortcomings.” Anyone who is a fan of film director Kevin Smith knows he has boasted about his oral skills, which (according to him) he honed to compensate for his weight. Davy’s height most likely left him with a few insecurities, so it would make sense that he’d see the importance of the oral, to ensure the woman is focused on that and not other things.
Micky: Micky is a Pisces, so very gentle, go-with-the-flow, and eager to please. We think he’d very much want to please his lady, to make sure she is getting as much out of it as he is. Well…at least in theory. Problems could arise because Micky is rather selfish in bed—wanting to have his own needs met first—but we do not think he would completely leave the woman hanging. One theory we have is that Micky might actually be more digitally inclined, as being a drummer lends itself to having very practiced hands and arms. So that might be what he feels more comfortable doing, and he could end up so focused on that so as to neglect the oral aspect. BUT, if the lady requests it, we are sure he would gladly oblige.
Peter: Peter is all about pleasure. Giving, receiving—both at the same time, cause let’s face it, the man is no stranger to 69ing. We think he would be quite eager to orally please his lady. Peter derives pleasure also from knowing that a woman would be getting off because of him, either directly or indirectly. To know that he is the source of her pleasure strengthens his own libido tremendously, and he would be likely to make his ministrations even more enthusiastic. Again, as we mentioned, 69ing would be a great favorite of Peter’s—to be giving pleasure while receiving it at the same time is an ultimate for him. If she’s got her mouth on his cock, he will happily lick her, loving the reciprocal movements that help fuel each person’s fire even further. We suspect Peter would not need to be prompted to perform oral, either—it would be par for the course, and when he wordlessly pulls her knees apart and settles his head between her thighs, she’d know exactly what’s coming (pun somewhat intended).
Mike: In our estimation, Mike would be very likely to orally please his lady, but mostly for the purposes of studying what it does to her. He recognizes the importance of the woman coming several times before the man does, if she can manage it, so that she is highly prepared for intercourse. Mike would most likely incorporate tantric elements into the oral—teasing, licking faster, then slowing down, observing her quick intakes of breath, the clenching of her muscles, the twitching of her thighs. We think Mike would want to focus completely and totally on pleasing her, and as such, 69ing would not be to his taste, as it is too scattered, too disorganized for him. When he is down there, he devotes his attention fully. Mike sees it as a job to get done, and done well, or he will not be happy with himself or the rest of the encounter. But his tactics, with their subtle intensity, will leave both parties highly satisfied.
…That’s it for this week’s Sexual Sunday Snippet, but tune in next week for another selection from the NP archives!
Okay…well, thank you for letting us know. Haha. We have been asked in the past about the ages at which each Monkee lost his virginity, and there was some confusion about Davy, so this helps clear that up. Haha. Okay, then. Good…
Our answer to “Which of The Monkees do you think would use ‘dirty talk’ in bed, and what do you think they would say?”, now in rebloggable format.
Hey there! We’ve actually answered this question a few times previously. We’ll go ahead and repost our answer here for you (to see the previous post, click here).
Davy: Davy would probably be the least likely to have a kinky fetish. For him, “kinky” is a one-time event of having sex somewhere that isn’t the bedroom—like in a car while driving (would that we were making this up: His wife Jessica actually mentioned it during their Newlywed Game appearance a while back). An event such as this allows him the room to show off his sexual prowess, which we think he would want to do, to bolster his confidence as a lover. But it’s likely that Davy’s somewhat reserved nature would leave him a bit too uptight anything deeply kinky.
Micky: Roleplaying is somehow always the first thing that comes to mind when we think of Micky. Perhaps it’s his background as an actor, but we can see Micky as really loving anything in the bedroom with outfits or costumes. The kinky twist might be that, instead of the traditional roles, Micky would want to be in the “feminine” role—not necessarily dressing up like a girl, but being vulnerable, being open to being tied up and left at her mercy, and having her be the one to seduce him, instead of vice-versa. We think that would satisfy some craving to be dominated that he has in his psyche, but still allow him to maintain some degree of control.
Peter: It’s almost impossible to say what Peter’s kinky fetish is, because we think it changes by the week. What gets him hot and boiling one day might be something completely different to what does it the next. Hot wax, handcuffs, spanking, voyeurism, public sex—it’s very likely that all of these have been kinks of his at one time or another, and that he has fulfilled them. Peter we think would be willing to explore kink most deeply—see, for example, a fic on our site called A Night at the Nutcracker, which, while a show-based fic, depicts Peter as the instigator for bringing the guys to a kinky sex club. We think Peter is probably the Monkee most likely to “try anything once”—twice, if he really likes it—and so his kinky fetish would simply be the exploration of multiple fetishes and seeing how many he could get his partner to try.
Mike: Mike and kinky have an unusual relationship. Of all the Monkees, Mike is probably the one to keep his fetishes and fantasies firmly locked inside his head. Life itself is the kinky fetish for Mike—watching the way a situation or encounter plays itself out. Mike would be most likely to enact his seduction mentally, so the kinky part would be to involve someone without them actually knowing it. He’d play mind games and then observe the effects of them on the other person, both physically and psychologically, and this would be the source of his enjoyment. In all likelihood, however, Mike would probably be more comfortable fulfilling someone else’s kinky fetishes than acting out his own.