Micky on the finale episode of Gone Country in 2009. He sounds so different singing a country tune, and it’s…pretty hot. Excuse us, we need a moment…
Micky with John Waters at the opening of “Hairspray In Concert,” 1/11/13.
No matter how hard you try, you will never be as cool as everything that is happening in this picture.
Some Photoshop bizarreness for ya nerves. This is equal parts frightening and hilarious, because it looks like they’re impersonating themselves (the Nez one is our favorite).
(All pics/Photoshopping done by Mr. Babbit.)
"Sexually ambiguous 1970s glam rock getting his nipple groped by Davy Jones" Micky Dolenz is our favorite kind of Micky Dolenz.
Welcome to part 3 of Monkees at the Movies! This is our latest and greatest feature here at the NP Tumblr, to see what would happen if each Monkee visited an adult movie theater (see introduction post above for an explanation of what that is). So, without further ado…
Part 3 - Micky Dolenz
For no other Monkee does the “kid in a candy store” analogy in relation to an adult movie theater seem more apt than Micky. Micky loves women the way other people love air, and that combined with his penchant for toting a camera around and filming everything makes an adult movie theater Micky’s version of Mecca.
And just as little children respond to everything on screen with wide-eyed wonder and astonishment, so would Micky exclaim, “Wow!” and “That’s amazing!” like an 8-year-old seeing Star Wars for the first time. And you better believe Micky would run home and tell all his friends how great the porno was and that they should go see it, too.
Micky’s response to the sex scenes would be much the same as any other hot-blooded male, and once the arousal clouds his brain, there’s no going back. We envision Micky almost stream-of-consciousness rambling as the blood flows from his head to…other areas…unable to stop himself:
"Holy shit, look at her ass. Oh, those tits. Is he gonna fuck her? Oh, they’re gonna do it. I wish that was me. Why isn’t that me? Damn, his dick is almost as big as Mike Nesmith’s. Hey, there are only two girls in this scene! What’s going on? They’re not gonna—wait—OH MY GOD THEY ARE. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!”
…And so on, and so forth.
Following the movie’s conclusion, Micky would throw endless amounts of money at the girls giving live stripteases, shamelessly groping his cock through his pants as he watches them. Consumed with lust and desire and desperate to get off, Micky would probably call on every one of his “maneuvers” to try and charm at least one of the girls into going home with him. And there’s a good chance he would be successful.
So, that is our assessment of Micky Dolenz at an adult movie theater. A curly-haired motormouth of a horny devil, and a fan of the ladies on every level. Thus, on our Risqué Reubens Rating Scale, we give Micky…
3½ out of 4 Pee-Wees
That’s all for this post, kids, but stick around over the next few days for the final installment of…Monkees at the Movies!
From a 1986 issue of Creem magazine. Peter is the only one who doesn’t look completely terrifying here (Miami Vice-wear notwithstanding).
(Pic via the Monkees Live Almanac.)
Peter: *laughing* Oh, man, Davy! I can’t believe you did it, man. You actually made your entire dick disappear!
Micky: Oh like anyone can tell, Pete? It was so small to begin with. Here, lemme get my magnifying glass…I bet I can find it…
Davy: Ha ha, laugh it up, fellas. You’re just jealous you can’t do this yerselves. I’m talented. And when I let it back out later, it’ll be even bigger than it was before. You’ll see!
Mike: Who’s a good Nine Iron? That’s right…we don’t need no magic tricks, now do we, babe? Got more meat here than I know what to do with.